The plight of the non-foodie

The other day in my cooking course I admitted to my class that I take shortcuts while cooking, shop at Metro, have only boiled my own stock once, and generally don’t like to take all that time to do the slow, hand-made-with-extra-love thing. They looked at me like I had just punted a newborn organic free-range kitten into a flaming pit of shark’s fin soup (which is delicious with some ground bald eagle). I’d forgotten I was in a room full of organic locavore foodies, and to them the confession that I occasionally eat frozen pizza was high treason.

My prof had asked whether everybody adhered to the local-farmer’s-market-sustainability agenda while cooking, and had emphasised the fact that not doing so does not make you a horrible person. She set me up. According to the death glares sent my way via the rest of the class, my favourite hobby is tearing the ozone layer with my teeth while filling rivers with pesticides and killing good, honest, filthy-handed farmers with my city ways and convenient luxuries (like Pop-Tarts. Luxurious, I know).

I’m sorry I don’t have enough time, patience, money, desire or ability to cook and eat the way you want me to. But to eat the way I do is as much my decision as your vegan lifestyle is your decision. If I want to pay less to get more food that lasts longer without spoiling, I will do so. Modern farming evolved to keep up with city lifestyle; if you want to live off the land then a big city really isn’t the place for you. Kudos to you for growing your own herbs and small vegetables – like I said, I don’t have the patience for that. I respect your eating decisions. I’d appreciate if you would respect mine.

Besides, it’s not like I’m this guy: 

P.S. Current food terminology is highly inaccurate! “Organic” is defined as anything that lives and grows. “Chemical” is defined as everything. Oxygen is a chemical, this is why it is a major part of chemistry. Hydrogen is a chemical. Carbon is a chemical. Combined they form carbohydrates – what plants are made of. Every plant and animal is organic. Every plant and animal is chemical. If you grow a corn stalk chemical-free then you are growing it without air and water. You cannot have an inorganic potato, there is no such thing (unless it is plastic). [/rant]

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  1. i love that you rant! i do that too! usually in a ‘they’re out to get me. it’s me against the world’ kinda way too! you’re too awesome and random-funny. omg you’re like my twin, like fo surious. less than three heart! (aka: <3)

  2. It’s not paranoia if they ARE out to get me! You and I can take shelter in the local Pizza Hut. They’ll never go in there…


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